So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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