You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
