so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Itβs a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. Thatβs a game changer.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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