How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
