Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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