Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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