I need help removing her.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
