I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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