do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
