I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
This girl is more easily done than said...
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
