Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
