new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Randomize
