By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
