omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
