Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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