You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize