i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
