This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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