Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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