my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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