Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
