Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
