He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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