And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
