I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
