He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
