i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
