so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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