I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
