I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
