How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
