This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize