So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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