JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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