i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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