so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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