he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
