btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Randomize
