Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize