he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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