We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
don't judge my taste in strippers
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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