Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
