I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
