I'm gonna have a badass scar
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
