Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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