dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
