I swear she didn't look like that last week.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
