these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I think my fart just growled at me.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
