he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
