All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
