I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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