then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
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