I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
