70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
