Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize