I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
