i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
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