I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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