i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
