Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
