i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
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