I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
