Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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